When Two Different Astrologers Told Me My Career Was Ending

In 2015, my band was booked to perform at a week-long festival in North Carolina.  We were housed in a beautiful cabin on a private ranch, surrounded by other cabins that were housing other musicians, artist, vendors, and crew in charge of running the festival. We were not booked every day to perform, and on some days when we only had one show, so we had a lot of free time on our hands to wonder around the festival to check out other bands or join jam out session in the artist lounge. On one of these days, I wondered off on my own to check out the booths, looking to buy some crystals.  I came across a white tent with a sign that read, “ten-minute reading for twenty dollars.” There was a small table inside the tent with two chairs. The astrologer had pamphlets on the table with information of his services. There was also a clipboard hanging by the entrance of the tent where he wanted people to sign up for the reading.  Next to the clip board was a sign that read, “out to lunch, be back in ten minutes,” so I signed up, and left to check out the other booths around the tent.  I was really eager for the reading, because I needed to get confirmation from something that was revealed earlier that year. I walked back after ten minutes, and found the astrologer sitting on one of the chairs. He looked like a Zen master.  He was bald, wearing all white and barefooted.  He asked me if I was Annette in which I replied yes.  He asked me to sit down, and informed me that he was going to ask me a few questions.  He proceeded by asking me for my name, date of birth and time of birth, and within seconds my natal chart popped up on his laptop screen. The reading was only for ten minutes, so he dove right into it. He started studying my chart intensively. He hummed a few times and asked me if my current job was my only job, in which I answered with hesitation, yes. I knew where he was going with the reading. I dozed off and started thinking of how long it took me to build up momentum with the band. How I didn’t have time to do anything else, because I was not only performing with the band, but I was taking care of a lot of the business matters. I had put in sweat and tears, and pinched every penny to make my dream as a musician come true. I thought about how I would leave my daughters for months at a time to go on tour, so yes, this was my only job. He then proceeded to tell me that it looked like my career was ending. He must have seen the shock and fear in my face, because he tried to explore other options with me. He stated that it looked like I had a passion for writing, and maybe writing could be my next career move. I nodded a few times but zoned out for what I felt was a long time. I was not ready to explore any other options with him, because all I could think of was, “What the heck am I going to do?”

After my reading, I went back to the cabin where my band mates and I were being housed, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I felt this fear come over me, and immediately started making myself small. I wanted to be invisible to try to avoid what was coming. I went into denial, and told myself that the reading was not real, but I knew it was real.

Two months prior, I had booked a reading with an astrologer from Portland who was visiting Los Angeles. We sat down at a coffee shop where she pulled up my natal chart. She observed it and asked me a few questions regarding my career and interest. She, like the astrologer in North Carolina. said the words I did not want to hear, “Your job is ending.” She said that I was going through a lot of abuse in this band, and that it was not a safe space for me.  She was right, the environment within the band was not a healthy one. It was not a space where I was growing artistically. I felt lonely when I was on tour, because I did not have the emotional support of my band members, particularly from the men in the group. There was a gender gap within the group. The men always seemed to find a way to make me feel small, or point out the things I was doing wrong. They created a space where I was constantly walking on eggshells, and they made me believe that I was not doing enough. I started withdrawing myself, and compromised with them, because I didn’t know where else to go. I had conditioned myself to believe that I couldn’t make it out in the world without this band.

When the tour was ended, a band meeting was called, and in that meeting, there was a lot of criticism in what the women in the band could do better. We were not acknowledged for our contribution, and the guys in the band were just patting themselves on the back. It was at this meeting that I finally spoke up and gave them a piece of my mind. You could tell by the look on their faces that they were not happy to hear what I had to tell them. I was demanding respect, and told them that their actions were far from what they were preaching on stage. They considered themselves feminist, but that is not what they were when the curtains closed. They were abusive and disrespectful to the women in the group, and used their status to seduce women that they met on tour. In speaking out, I was reprimanded by not being allowed to perform with the band, and within two weeks the band voted me out.  My job had ended.

I was torn and went into a deep depression.  I was completely in darkness, and didn’t know what I was going to do. I would wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety. I cried more than once every day for months. Every time I would go on social media the band would pop up announcing where they were performing, or I would get tagged by a fan asking why I was not at the show. The people who I thought were my friends disappeared once I was no longer in the band, so feeling lost and alone, I disconnect myself from the world, and isolated myself.  There were too many pieces shattered, so every day was a struggle to pick myself up.  I couldn’t look at my instruments, so I put them away.

My first connection with the world was six months after my ending with the band.  I enrolled into a vocal class at Pasadena Community College. I was the bass player in the band, so I was really shy to sing in front of all my classmates. In my first performance in class, I made all the student turn their chairs around to face the wall. I didn’t want them looking at me sing, but I loved it. I loved it so much so that I enrolled for the second level of vocal class, and in that class, is where I performed the first song that I wrote on my own. My classmates and the professor loved it, and that was the beginning of regaining a bit of my confidence. Two months after my class ended, I reached out to the director of an organization called East Los Angeles Women Center to see how we could collaborate. The organization had booked my ex-band for a couple of shows, so we kept in touch throughout the years. The woman in charge offered me a position right away as an Educational Specialist. I always tell people that this job saved me, because it gave me space to grow and heal myself, while educating women on the cycle of violence. The director also gave me a platform where I got to perform on my own for the first time at a Gala, and then continued to hire me for other events, because she believed in me. This past year I taught myself how to play the guitar to perform the songs that I wrote throughout these past three years, I was even featured in a few open mics. People have reached out to hire me for a few events, and I am currently recording my own music. On this journey, I have found this immense love for myself. I wouldn’t have seen my potential as a solo artist if I was still part of the band. I am still putting the pieces together, but what I thought was a last call at music, was really a call to a new beginning.

Loving Myself While Missing My Soul Mate

This morning I woke up not missing anyone in particular, but I missed the affection of another human.  I have been helping people around me heal, and have also been healing myself.  It has been exhausting at times, but I know that it has humbled me tremendously.  When I woke up I got this feeling of missing being in my soul mates arms, and all I wanted was to be held with my head buried on his chest.  I felt safe there and I didn’t want to let go.  Then I reminded myself that I could be that person holding me until he finds me.  I could bury me in myself by practicing self-care and self-love.  I am here for me to hold me when I need it, and talk encouraging words to keep moving forward.  This put me at ease, and I couldn’t help but smile.  I know that the more love I give to myself will lead me to that soul who will make me feel just as safe, and will protect me as much as I protect myself.  Our union will be a magical healing force.

 

Follow Your Dreams

If you ever find yourself asking, “Should I follow my dreams?”  Yes! Follow your dreams.  It is crucial that you do, because if you don’t, you are compromising your happiness.  You can choose to live your life by being content with your safe job, but you will be missing the point as to why you came into this world.  You will stop a very important part of your growth, and this will catch up to you one day.  Look within yourself, and listen to that little voice inside.  If you are asking this question, that means that your soul is speaking to you.  Build up the courage to follow your path.

 

Fighting Thoughts

When we say we are going through an awakening, it doesn’t always mean that we have automatically cleared ourselves of bad thoughts. An awakening brings you awareness so you can become a better version of yourself. In the beginning of a transformation it can be very uncomfortable, because you see all the shit you still need to heal. You start realizing that there’s no one to blame for issues in your life, and that can be really hard, because it is easier to blame others for your misery. At least you can be mad at someone and not be forced to face your demons. I find myself frustrated when I feel I am taking several steps back in my spiritual journey, but in reality I’m taking several steps forward. Fighting bad thoughts is exhausting. Getting to that point is disappointing, but I know that is showing me where I still need to change. It is 4:28 in the morning. I am hoping when I wake up at 7:30am, I have cleared a lot of these negative thoughts. Goodnight/good morning

Healing Trauma

Right now, I am trying to heal the wounds that I came imprinted with when I entered this world.  Chiron is placed in my 8th house and it is transiting my 7th house.  My greatest pain has been with my relationships.  I have always had issues with my self-esteem and that has affected a great deal of my life.  I am able to council others and motivate them to believe in themselves, but it is hard when it comes to me.  Since Chiron is transiting my 7th house I am healing the traumas I went through in my childhood with trust and abandonment issues.  I have acted out too long in my romantic relationships that I am searching for ways in shedding those bad habits I picked up.  So much shedding has happened this year that is leading me to my true self.  I have to also overcome the fear of potentially being alone if my relationship with my current partner doesn’t work out, and remaining single for at least a bit.  I have been one to jump from relationship to relationship.  I think a six-month break would help me get in touch with myself, lol… I know more if necessary. Not pushing it. There’s less than two months in this year, and my birthday is in December.  Let’s see how much more growing there is this year.  I am just grateful that I am able to face my wounds, and have found the bravery to work on healing them. Tranformation has been painful, but shit I can’t give up o myself now.  I’ve come too far.

Goodbye 2016

I am still flinching from the lashes 2016 gave us all! Lol..  Seriously, I have never been in such a hurry while hiding under a rock to leave a year with so many lessons.  Many people were taken last year. It was predicted in 2015 that in 2016 the earth was going to be clearing itself of many souls.  Side note: It took many of the good ones! Good one universe.

Anyway, 2016 was not compassionate.  Many of us strayed away from our purpose so it needed to bring us back to our calling.  We have been neglecting and abusing mother earth for too long.  We needed to be woken up and that is why we are stuck with Trump for at least four years. The people who have been going through an awakening and transformation have been doing so for the purpose in cleaning up the mess we have put ourselves into.  We are in need of peace and balance.

Last year it was about letting go.  Numerology number 9 is about letting go, death/dying and new beginnings.  All the break-ups had a purpose and all the people you let go were not suppose to travel with you into 2017.  In numerology, number one is about leadership, individualistic and independence.That is what 2017 is, a number one.  This year is about rebuilding on a stronger foundation.  All that was taken in 2016 was meant to go, because it was going to get in the way of you rebuilding a life that you have been wanting for yourself.  All the things that returned, came back with a lesson. I hope you were listening.

In 2016 the blindfolds were taken off, or we ourselves took off the rose color glasses.  We faced life with the truth, we actually demanded the truth.  It was about taking off the mask and showing your true self.  The people who are still being fake and were not exposed at the end of 2016 will face exposure of their true self in 2017.  We are no longer accepting lies.  Last year pushed us into wanting a more honest world. Thank you 2016 for the lesson.

Evolving

Evolving into one’s higher power is a beautiful gift one gives to oneself.  It means that you were brave enough to face your demons.  It means that you went into battle with yourself.  That is admirable, because sometimes the cause of being so brave can result in literal death.  Facing darkness while transforming can be a lonely place.  Many tears are shed during this stage.  Loosing sleep due to over-thinking. It will feel like you are thrown into the deepest ocean without knowing how to swim only to be expected to stay afloat.  So many end up drowning.  Those who made it out to only find a better version of themselves in their human body should not be considered stronger than those who decided to reach this evolution in their next reality.  It would be selfish of us to condemn in such a way.

When one reaches this evolution it is like no other feeling.  One feels like they can do anything in this life.  You never see the world the same.  You start appreciating all that surrounds your world. Your circle becomes smaller with only the chosen few that really love you.  Traveling seems like flying and getting to know different cultures is a better interest than a 9-5 job.  All you want to do is think of ways you can make the world a better place.  Knowing that you are an example to a better world, so you live with intention.  You live knowing that you are the higher self and the magic comes from your own thoughts.  You become a bit quieter when it’s time to listen to the universe, because the messages will help you maneuver through this life.  You start understanding that life will continue to be a roller coaster and finally accepting the lessons.  Evolving means to stop going against the current and let go.

Life Is Not Suppose To Be Easy

I struggle with this concept.  I always wanted life to be easy.  I’ve worked many years to get to the point where I can look around and tell myself, “life is easy.”  I have not gotten to that point, but I do feel sometimes that I am getting closer.  Everyday is a new layer of emotions that come up and I have to find the strength to overcome them.  I want to be happy even if it’s because I woke up in the morning, or that my girls are all fine and well.  I feel guilty because sometimes it is a chore to wake up and face another day of having to convince myself that I have come a long way.  That is painful sometimes when you feel so stagnant in this world.  Your purpose can seem so clear one day and the next day you feel unhappy with what you thought was your purpose.  This is why I am working on self-love and really diving into it.  I don’t want my happiness to depend on anything in this world.  I want to be happy just by existing, just being part of this world.  So I guess the phrase “life is not suppose to be easy” comes from knowing that there will always be ups and downs, it is how you deal with all that comes with being alive that will determine how easy or hard life will be.  There will always be situations that will happen in life that will turn it up side down for instance a death of someone that you really love.  That to me would be the most devastating news, but it is unavoidable because we will all get there one day.  I am waiting for my uh huh moment, but trying to enjoy the in between space where I find myself.  I am in between one door that closed not yet seeing the door that I can open. The in-between experiences are what I need to appreciate, because those are experiences that will shape me for my next journey.

The Journey To Spirituality

This journey to spirituality has opened up a lot of wounds. It is not easy all the time to walk this path. It is an everyday process, every second, minute and hour. It is very interesting the difference it feels when one is in alignment oppose to being out of alignment. We live in a very painful world so my determination to always being in alignment means that I continue to strip layers of conditions put on me since birth. Even though it has been uncomfortable, it has also been an amazing experience.

I am still struggling with being alone especially on the weekends. Since I could remember I never wanted to be home on the weekends. I had to learn to do that and still learning after so many years. Now that I have to spend it alone it has been very challenging. Even though I have my tarot classes on Saturday, on my drive home it feels very lonely. This is something I am working on and will accomplish it soon. I either attract great people to spend my weekend with, travel, or be comfortable being on my own. I would love a balance of all three, but only when I am confortable being alone.

Last Friday, I went to a women’s healing circle and oh my gosh it was magical. I was in bliss the whole time. It was life changing. We healed through movement, dancing and chanting. We danced alone in our own section of the room and cried out whatever we were healing. We came together and each of us led the movement to the music. This is what I have been needing all my life. I deserve to take care of myself. I love myself that much.

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