It’s Time To Let Go

She heard a voice whispering, “Veronica It’s time to let go,”

“I don’t want to let go.” she whispered back.

It had been too long that she was in constant heartbreak.  Her guides were trying to be patient with her mission, but she had been stuck too long.  The contract was over, and the learning had stopped long ago.  She was stubborn just like many souls, holding on to love too long.  The person ready to evolve always gets hurt, because not only does that person compromise in the relationship, but they also have to be the one’s to eventually let go of the person they love. There was no doubt that Veronica was this soul who thought she could change him, and make him love her just as much as she loved him.

“I love him. I lost everything and everyone.  Why can’t we be happy?”  she sighed, “Why must you take everything from me?”  She cried.

The universe replied, “You know your mission, and this was part of it.  You need to let him go, so he can learn.  He has mentioned that you are holding him back, and that is one of the reasons why he keeps hurting you. There are a lot of lessons that he needs to learn, and he won’t be able to with you by his side.”

Veronica had been in this relationship for ten years.  She loved David with all her heart, but the last few years of their relationship was very destructive and hurtful.  David, felt he was missing out on something, and took it out on her, often saying that she was the reason for his failed success. She was an empath, so when they would go to gatherings, he would criticize her inability to be able to socialize with everyone in the room.  David was in the entertainment industry, and had to network with a bunch of yuppies.  It was really hard for her, because most of the people at these events were shallow and superficial.   They didn’t really care about people.  All they cared about was what you could do for them, or what they could get from you.  The women at these events would often attack her, because David wasn’t paying the same attention to them when she was around.  Veronica started noticing these patterns everywhere they went, and knew that David had been entertaining these women when she wasn’t around.  He would often tell Veronica that he needed to be friendly to these women, so they could get him to the next level in his career. When Veronica would complain about the attacks, David would often answer by telling her that she needed to suck it up, and grow a thicker skin.  This killed Veronica, because her love was based on loyalty and respect.  Veronica would often find out things that David did behind her back, and when she would confront him, he would tell her that he did these things behind her back, because he knew she was going to get mad.

One of the last incidents with David was at an event they attended.  A woman came up to David because she recognized him from social media. He loved getting attention, and couldn’t resist showing his excitement that a someone had recognized him.  They spoked in each other’s ear for a moment, because the music was playing too loud. Then her friend joined them in the conversation forming a circle, and leaving Veronica out.  She felt small in a room full of people.  She had to leave the room, because she could feel the tears swelling up.  She didn’t want anyone to see her pain.  She ran to the pond that she had passed when she was looking for parking, and sat on a bench sobbing, while sipping on the glass of wine that she had in her hand.  It suddenly started raining, and she could see a few geese floating in the water peacefully. At this point she was soaking wet.  She finished the wine, and started looking for a penny in her purse.  She closed her eyes, and clutched her fist.

“Universe I don’t want to hurt anymore.  Give me the strength to leave him,” She sobbed and continued,

“I want to feel peace in my life.  I deserve to be happy, appreciated and loved.  I want to be respected and acknowledged.”

She got up to get closer to the pond, and stood there in silenced.  She didn’t mind that it had started raining harder.  She actually felt liberated, and felt that the water was washing away some of her pain.  She took a few deep breaths, then threw the penny in the water.

She finally did it! She finally asked for something she was afraid to do, but needed help from the higher power.  She danced in the rain, and walked around, and suddenly everything looked and felt different.

 

Loving Myself While Missing My Soul Mate

This morning I woke up not missing anyone in particular, but I missed the affection of another human.  I have been helping people around me heal, and have also been healing myself.  It has been exhausting at times, but I know that it has humbled me tremendously.  When I woke up I got this feeling of missing being in my soul mates arms, and all I wanted was to be held with my head buried on his chest.  I felt safe there and I didn’t want to let go.  Then I reminded myself that I could be that person holding me until he finds me.  I could bury me in myself by practicing self-care and self-love.  I am here for me to hold me when I need it, and talk encouraging words to keep moving forward.  This put me at ease, and I couldn’t help but smile.  I know that the more love I give to myself will lead me to that soul who will make me feel just as safe, and will protect me as much as I protect myself.  Our union will be a magical healing force.

 

Self-Love After A Break Up

My partner and I went through a break up this time last year (2016). As soon as it got cold the smell took me back to that heartbreak.  When I pass certain places especially a coffee shop that I would visit to get out of the house. I would start thinking of those days when I felt so lonely and depressed.  Everything seemed dead to me.  I was completely lost.  I feel like that break up prepared me for who I was to become in 2017.

In 2017 things are a bit different.  I feel like that break up pushed me to love myself more.  It made me stronger and I knew that no matter what I was going to be ok with or without him.  Before this break up I was clingy and I couldn’t see life without him.  I was scared to lose him so it made me very insecure.  Internal issues from childhood trauma.  This year has been about healing that part of myself.  It has been a rollercoaster, but I have noticed that I have transformed significantly.

(I found this in my drafts.  Even though it is old and incomplete I wanted to post it just to remind myself that all things have a purpose.  For me letting go is not ever easy.  I hold on longer than I have to, but in the end these are lessons used as opportunities to continue grow. This break up I speak of truly was my great push to loving myself).

Fighting Thoughts

When we say we are going through an awakening, it doesn’t always mean that we have automatically cleared ourselves of bad thoughts. An awakening brings you awareness so you can become a better version of yourself. In the beginning of a transformation it can be very uncomfortable, because you see all the shit you still need to heal. You start realizing that there’s no one to blame for issues in your life, and that can be really hard, because it is easier to blame others for your misery. At least you can be mad at someone and not be forced to face your demons. I find myself frustrated when I feel I am taking several steps back in my spiritual journey, but in reality I’m taking several steps forward. Fighting bad thoughts is exhausting. Getting to that point is disappointing, but I know that is showing me where I still need to change. It is 4:28 in the morning. I am hoping when I wake up at 7:30am, I have cleared a lot of these negative thoughts. Goodnight/good morning

Healing Trauma

Right now, I am trying to heal the wounds that I came imprinted with when I entered this world.  Chiron is placed in my 8th house and it is transiting my 7th house.  My greatest pain has been with my relationships.  I have always had issues with my self-esteem and that has affected a great deal of my life.  I am able to council others and motivate them to believe in themselves, but it is hard when it comes to me.  Since Chiron is transiting my 7th house I am healing the traumas I went through in my childhood with trust and abandonment issues.  I have acted out too long in my romantic relationships that I am searching for ways in shedding those bad habits I picked up.  So much shedding has happened this year that is leading me to my true self.  I have to also overcome the fear of potentially being alone if my relationship with my current partner doesn’t work out, and remaining single for at least a bit.  I have been one to jump from relationship to relationship.  I think a six-month break would help me get in touch with myself, lol… I know more if necessary. Not pushing it. There’s less than two months in this year, and my birthday is in December.  Let’s see how much more growing there is this year.  I am just grateful that I am able to face my wounds, and have found the bravery to work on healing them. Tranformation has been painful, but shit I can’t give up o myself now.  I’ve come too far.

Goodbye 2016

I am still flinching from the lashes 2016 gave us all! Lol..  Seriously, I have never been in such a hurry while hiding under a rock to leave a year with so many lessons.  Many people were taken last year. It was predicted in 2015 that in 2016 the earth was going to be clearing itself of many souls.  Side note: It took many of the good ones! Good one universe.

Anyway, 2016 was not compassionate.  Many of us strayed away from our purpose so it needed to bring us back to our calling.  We have been neglecting and abusing mother earth for too long.  We needed to be woken up and that is why we are stuck with Trump for at least four years. The people who have been going through an awakening and transformation have been doing so for the purpose in cleaning up the mess we have put ourselves into.  We are in need of peace and balance.

Last year it was about letting go.  Numerology number 9 is about letting go, death/dying and new beginnings.  All the break-ups had a purpose and all the people you let go were not suppose to travel with you into 2017.  In numerology, number one is about leadership, individualistic and independence.That is what 2017 is, a number one.  This year is about rebuilding on a stronger foundation.  All that was taken in 2016 was meant to go, because it was going to get in the way of you rebuilding a life that you have been wanting for yourself.  All the things that returned, came back with a lesson. I hope you were listening.

In 2016 the blindfolds were taken off, or we ourselves took off the rose color glasses.  We faced life with the truth, we actually demanded the truth.  It was about taking off the mask and showing your true self.  The people who are still being fake and were not exposed at the end of 2016 will face exposure of their true self in 2017.  We are no longer accepting lies.  Last year pushed us into wanting a more honest world. Thank you 2016 for the lesson.

Evolving

Evolving into one’s higher power is a beautiful gift one gives to oneself.  It means that you were brave enough to face your demons.  It means that you went into battle with yourself.  That is admirable, because sometimes the cause of being so brave can result in literal death.  Facing darkness while transforming can be a lonely place.  Many tears are shed during this stage.  Loosing sleep due to over-thinking. It will feel like you are thrown into the deepest ocean without knowing how to swim only to be expected to stay afloat.  So many end up drowning.  Those who made it out to only find a better version of themselves in their human body should not be considered stronger than those who decided to reach this evolution in their next reality.  It would be selfish of us to condemn in such a way.

When one reaches this evolution it is like no other feeling.  One feels like they can do anything in this life.  You never see the world the same.  You start appreciating all that surrounds your world. Your circle becomes smaller with only the chosen few that really love you.  Traveling seems like flying and getting to know different cultures is a better interest than a 9-5 job.  All you want to do is think of ways you can make the world a better place.  Knowing that you are an example to a better world, so you live with intention.  You live knowing that you are the higher self and the magic comes from your own thoughts.  You become a bit quieter when it’s time to listen to the universe, because the messages will help you maneuver through this life.  You start understanding that life will continue to be a roller coaster and finally accepting the lessons.  Evolving means to stop going against the current and let go.

Life Is Not Suppose To Be Easy

I struggle with this concept.  I always wanted life to be easy.  I’ve worked many years to get to the point where I can look around and tell myself, “life is easy.”  I have not gotten to that point, but I do feel sometimes that I am getting closer.  Everyday is a new layer of emotions that come up and I have to find the strength to overcome them.  I want to be happy even if it’s because I woke up in the morning, or that my girls are all fine and well.  I feel guilty because sometimes it is a chore to wake up and face another day of having to convince myself that I have come a long way.  That is painful sometimes when you feel so stagnant in this world.  Your purpose can seem so clear one day and the next day you feel unhappy with what you thought was your purpose.  This is why I am working on self-love and really diving into it.  I don’t want my happiness to depend on anything in this world.  I want to be happy just by existing, just being part of this world.  So I guess the phrase “life is not suppose to be easy” comes from knowing that there will always be ups and downs, it is how you deal with all that comes with being alive that will determine how easy or hard life will be.  There will always be situations that will happen in life that will turn it up side down for instance a death of someone that you really love.  That to me would be the most devastating news, but it is unavoidable because we will all get there one day.  I am waiting for my uh huh moment, but trying to enjoy the in between space where I find myself.  I am in between one door that closed not yet seeing the door that I can open. The in-between experiences are what I need to appreciate, because those are experiences that will shape me for my next journey.

The Journey To Spirituality

This journey to spirituality has opened up a lot of wounds. It is not easy all the time to walk this path. It is an everyday process, every second, minute and hour. It is very interesting the difference it feels when one is in alignment oppose to being out of alignment. We live in a very painful world so my determination to always being in alignment means that I continue to strip layers of conditions put on me since birth. Even though it has been uncomfortable, it has also been an amazing experience.

I am still struggling with being alone especially on the weekends. Since I could remember I never wanted to be home on the weekends. I had to learn to do that and still learning after so many years. Now that I have to spend it alone it has been very challenging. Even though I have my tarot classes on Saturday, on my drive home it feels very lonely. This is something I am working on and will accomplish it soon. I either attract great people to spend my weekend with, travel, or be comfortable being on my own. I would love a balance of all three, but only when I am confortable being alone.

Last Friday, I went to a women’s healing circle and oh my gosh it was magical. I was in bliss the whole time. It was life changing. We healed through movement, dancing and chanting. We danced alone in our own section of the room and cried out whatever we were healing. We came together and each of us led the movement to the music. This is what I have been needing all my life. I deserve to take care of myself. I love myself that much.

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