The Journey To Spirituality

This journey to spirituality has opened up a lot of wounds. It is not easy all the time to walk this path. It is an everyday process, every second, minute and hour. It is very interesting the difference it feels when one is in alignment oppose to being out of alignment. We live in a very painful world so my determination to always being in alignment means that I continue to strip layers of conditions put on me since birth. Even though it has been uncomfortable, it has also been an amazing experience.

I am still struggling with being alone especially on the weekends. Since I could remember I never wanted to be home on the weekends. I had to learn to do that and still learning after so many years. Now that I have to spend it alone it has been very challenging. Even though I have my tarot classes on Saturday, on my drive home it feels very lonely. This is something I am working on and will accomplish it soon. I either attract great people to spend my weekend with, travel, or be comfortable being on my own. I would love a balance of all three, but only when I am confortable being alone.

Last Friday, I went to a women’s healing circle and oh my gosh it was magical. I was in bliss the whole time. It was life changing. We healed through movement, dancing and chanting. We danced alone in our own section of the room and cried out whatever we were healing. We came together and each of us led the movement to the music. This is what I have been needing all my life. I deserve to take care of myself. I love myself that much.

I Am The Creator Of My Life

Since I am the writer and director of my own life, I am the only one responsible for me.  I am responsible for how my life has turned out.  When something negative happens in my life, I know it is me that has to work on me.  I cannot blame my previous partner because this relationship ended.  I cannot blame him for treating me the way he did.  I wasn’t treating myself any differently.  He has his own journey, and the only journey I need to worry about is mine.  The only issues I need to worry about are mine.  Only then will I be in same vibration with people around me.  It is only when  I reach my alignment that I will be able to attract a partner with same vibration.  I really have so much love for myself.  Here is why, I don’t ever give up on myself.  I have been taking care of me these past few days.  I’ve been my own best friend.  It is exciting to awaken, and not blame anyone else for my life.  It is liberating.  It puts all responsibility on me, and keeps me from pointing fingers. It is up to me how I want my life to turn out.

Some videos that have helped me:

 

Daily Prompt: Waiting

IMG_9319.jpgThe Waiting period in life is the most frustrating.  People say it is the period when one as a  human will learn more, and gets closer to its higher self.  Although I know this is true because of past experiences, I also know this is not the funnest part of life.  It is many times painful, and feeling of loneliness can be unbearable.  Depression visits too often, and tears flow to frequently, especially at night when no one is listening. Every morning is a struggle to survive, to enjoy the sunlight shining through your window.  All you have to hold on to are the quotes that keep appearing on your newsfeed, “Love yourself in order to be happy.”  So now you feel like you don’t love yourself, because you don’t feel happy in the waiting period of life.  Then you remember that you have been the only one there for you, and you have been the only one that has gotten yourself out of your misery with self care and love.  So you now took time to convince yourself that you indeed do love yourself, you are just stuck in the waiting period, and that is never fun.

I am currently in the waiting period.  I was part of something that I thought was going to last a lifetime, then it ended and now I find myself not knowing where I am going.  What am I suppose to be doing?  I have days when I have so much courage to go back out into the world, and when I do I am faced with confusion.  Nothing appeals to me.  It is all superficial.  Capitalism is so ugly, and it keeps humans from pursuing their life’s purpose.  We are kept from our magic, and our true powers.  So I find myself sitting still and trying to listen to my guide to my question, “What is my life purpose?”  I don’t want to jump into something again that is not my life purpose.  I’ve been waiting for over a year, and in that time I have gotten closer to my daughters.  I’ve learned so much about my strength.  The painful part of this is seeing people move at a hundred miles an hour, and you feel like you are going five miles an hour.  Everyone looks content with their lives, and I am here still figuring out what am I going to do for the rest of my life.

It’s all good though.  I know I will be alright, and I will come out stronger from this.  It sound so cliche’ but I’ve been here before, and the universe has rewarded me for letting things flow in the past, and working through the pain of the waiting period in life.

via Daily Prompt: Waiting

Women of Color Empowerment/Men in the Movement

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This part is for men of color in the movement fighting for equality. This often means fighting for equality but what comes first are the rights for you. This is for the men who are still engaging in derogatory jokes and language about womxn. And for the men who who continue to use their “celebrity” status in the movement to take advantage of womxn which leads to some of those womxn to loose hope in the movement. This is for men of color in the movement who still refuse to see the equal power that those who identify as womxn have, and our ability to lead. This movement will never advance if you’re still set in your ways and want to hold onto all of the power. I for one will not be contributing to images of men that take away from womxn. I am in solidarity with Che, Malcolm X, Pancho Villa, but pushing these images clearly takes away from what womxn have done. It makes us believe that our leaders are men. We need to shift these images. It is time. #womenempowerment #empowerment #womxn #chingonas #magic #movement #spirituality #worldischanging #womenleaders #solidarity #womenofcolor #menofcolor #peopleofcolor

“Your silence will not protect you.” -Audre Lorde

I want to thank Jessica Natalia​ for sharing my story on Remezcla​. I really enjoyed this article because it ended with great reflection points.

“As people of color who are constantly creating and re-imagining socially conscious spaces, what can we do to avoid the reproduction of oppressive systems? Pues, that is a really hard question. Looking inside ourselves is a start. Liberation begins with asking ourselves the difficult questions, like “What are my privileges? How can I deconstruct and unlearn sexism, racism, and heterosexism? In what ways can I be accountable to my whole community?” A constant interrogation of our own interpersonal lives and the spaces we occupy is vital to creating a healthy and sustainable community. How are we treating our brothers and sisters in the movement? Open and honest conversations are hard, but they are necessary if we want to be what we want to see in the world. Accountability is growth. So like Queen Audre says, your silence will not protect you. Speak up and do it loud.”

#women #womyn #womenstories #speakout #speakup #empowering #empowerment #lascafeteras

http://remezcla.com/features/how-las-cafeteras-taught-us-to-speak-out/

OC Weekly – Ex-Bandmate Speaks Out

http://www.ocweekly.com/music/las-cafeteras-accused-by-former-bandmate-of-being-sexist-sellouts-6843547

 

I told my story because I deserved to tell my story

I told my story because I cannot be silenced

Money does not have a hold on me

My girls stepped it up and told me that they would support me through my healing.

Las Cafeteras left me penniless, so my girls used their financial aid to cover the bills

They told me “Mom you have taken care of us for so many years, please let us take care of you”

I secluded myself in my room for months, and had to face the most darkest challenges in my life

My partner Piero had to stay with me

because he was scared I would end up doing something to myself

I would wake up in the middle of the night crying

He would sometimes cry with me because it hurt him to see me in so much pain

I fell into a deep depression, because I didn’t know how I was going to move on

I contemplated suicide

I would drive by the suicidal bridge in Pasadena

I would think that ending it all would clear me of all the pain I was feeling

Las Cafeteras was my whole world

It was how I shared a piece of my soul with the world

It was how I was making a difference

It was how I supported my family

It was all I did for about ten years

Las Cafeteras was not compassionate when they cut me out of the band

I endured a lot of mental and emotional abuse

Espeacially the last two weeks after speaking out against Daniel and Hector in a meeting

I tell my story to validate what happened to me

I tell my story to encourage others to tell their story

I tell my story to put light on patriarchy and misogony

I tell my story to push conversation

I tell my story to find solutions

I tell my story because I would want my girls to do the same

I am healing

I am picking up the pieces

I am stronger today

I still have my voice

My thoughts on the article:

The womyn are covering up for the men, and the men’s tactic is to be on their best behavior. Why is Hector Flores so silent now. This is such a Cafeteras move. Push the womyn in the front, and let us act as victims. Why is the community forum not about the issues that I brought up? Because it doesn’t benefit the group. They will be controlling the meeting the way the want to control it, and push the topic in a different direction. They will be using their charm, and will convince the audience that is a bigger issue than Cafeteras, and that since they are to victims of growing up in patriarchy and misogony society, then they shouldn’t be held accountable. Hector and Daniel’s tactic is to not answer questions they don’t want to answer, or answer in a way that it will work in their favor This very much happened in this article. Interviews have been requested only for Daniel and Hector to be present, but they won’t do it without the whole band. It’s really sad that Leah and Denise are covering up for them, and speaking out against me.

#silencekillspeople #silencekillswomyn

 

 

Las Cafeteras – “Call me when you are 21”

If I would have kept quiet, I would have never known most of the stories womyn are sharing with me on my blog. I share this one in particular because my girl Hazel who is 14 loves bands. She loves going up to the musicians to get their autographs. I hope she never comes across someone like Hector Flores. #ourstories #ourstoriesarevalid #yourstorieskeepmegoing #strength #womynstories #womenrights #shareyourstory #lascafeteras @lascafeteras

 

Bog Post

Las Cafeteras – Text

This is one of many text Leah and I would receive from Denise every time we needed to miss rehearsal, and she was the only womyn who showed up. When I got kicked out I reached out to a few womyn in the community about my story, and many responded that they already knew because Denise had already shared how the men were behaving in the band. #pleasetellthetruth #speakup #silencekillspeople #silencekillswomen #lascafeteras #womensvoicesmatter

 

Denise Text

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