It’s Time To Let Go

She heard a voice whispering, “Veronica It’s time to let go,”

“I don’t want to let go.” she whispered back.

It had been too long that she was in constant heartbreak.  Her guides were trying to be patient with her mission, but she had been stuck too long.  The contract was over, and the learning had stopped long ago.  She was stubborn just like many souls, holding on to love too long.  The person ready to evolve always gets hurt, because not only does that person compromise in the relationship, but they also have to be the one’s to eventually let go of the person they love. There was no doubt that Veronica was this soul who thought she could change him, and make him love her just as much as she loved him.

“I love him. I lost everything and everyone.  Why can’t we be happy?”  she sighed, “Why must you take everything from me?”  She cried.

The universe replied, “You know your mission, and this was part of it.  You need to let him go, so he can learn.  He has mentioned that you are holding him back, and that is one of the reasons why he keeps hurting you. There are a lot of lessons that he needs to learn, and he won’t be able to with you by his side.”

Veronica had been in this relationship for ten years.  She loved David with all her heart, but the last few years of their relationship was very destructive and hurtful.  David, felt he was missing out on something, and took it out on her, often saying that she was the reason for his failed success. She was an empath, so when they would go to gatherings, he would criticize her inability to be able to socialize with everyone in the room.  David was in the entertainment industry, and had to network with a bunch of yuppies.  It was really hard for her, because most of the people at these events were shallow and superficial.   They didn’t really care about people.  All they cared about was what you could do for them, or what they could get from you.  The women at these events would often attack her, because David wasn’t paying the same attention to them when she was around.  Veronica started noticing these patterns everywhere they went, and knew that David had been entertaining these women when she wasn’t around.  He would often tell Veronica that he needed to be friendly to these women, so they could get him to the next level in his career. When Veronica would complain about the attacks, David would often answer by telling her that she needed to suck it up, and grow a thicker skin.  This killed Veronica, because her love was based on loyalty and respect.  Veronica would often find out things that David did behind her back, and when she would confront him, he would tell her that he did these things behind her back, because he knew she was going to get mad.

One of the last incidents with David was at an event they attended.  A woman came up to David because she recognized him from social media. He loved getting attention, and couldn’t resist showing his excitement that a someone had recognized him.  They spoked in each other’s ear for a moment, because the music was playing too loud. Then her friend joined them in the conversation forming a circle, and leaving Veronica out.  She felt small in a room full of people.  She had to leave the room, because she could feel the tears swelling up.  She didn’t want anyone to see her pain.  She ran to the pond that she had passed when she was looking for parking, and sat on a bench sobbing, while sipping on the glass of wine that she had in her hand.  It suddenly started raining, and she could see a few geese floating in the water peacefully. At this point she was soaking wet.  She finished the wine, and started looking for a penny in her purse.  She closed her eyes, and clutched her fist.

“Universe I don’t want to hurt anymore.  Give me the strength to leave him,” She sobbed and continued,

“I want to feel peace in my life.  I deserve to be happy, appreciated and loved.  I want to be respected and acknowledged.”

She got up to get closer to the pond, and stood there in silenced.  She didn’t mind that it had started raining harder.  She actually felt liberated, and felt that the water was washing away some of her pain.  She took a few deep breaths, then threw the penny in the water.

She finally did it! She finally asked for something she was afraid to do, but needed help from the higher power.  She danced in the rain, and walked around, and suddenly everything looked and felt different.


When Two Different Astrologers Told Me My Career Was Ending

In 2015, my band was booked to perform at a week-long festival in North Carolina.  We were housed in a beautiful cabin on a private ranch, surrounded by other cabins that were housing other musicians, artist, vendors, and crew in charge of running the festival. We were not booked every day to perform, and on some days when we only had one show, so we had a lot of free time on our hands to wonder around the festival to check out other bands or join jam out session in the artist lounge. On one of these days, I wondered off on my own to check out the booths, looking to buy some crystals.  I came across a white tent with a sign that read, “ten-minute reading for twenty dollars.” There was a small table inside the tent with two chairs. The astrologer had pamphlets on the table with information of his services. There was also a clipboard hanging by the entrance of the tent where he wanted people to sign up for the reading.  Next to the clip board was a sign that read, “out to lunch, be back in ten minutes,” so I signed up, and left to check out the other booths around the tent.  I was really eager for the reading, because I needed to get confirmation from something that was revealed earlier that year. I walked back after ten minutes, and found the astrologer sitting on one of the chairs. He looked like a Zen master.  He was bald, wearing all white and barefooted.  He asked me if I was Annette in which I replied yes.  He asked me to sit down, and informed me that he was going to ask me a few questions.  He proceeded by asking me for my name, date of birth and time of birth, and within seconds my natal chart popped up on his laptop screen. The reading was only for ten minutes, so he dove right into it. He started studying my chart intensively. He hummed a few times and asked me if my current job was my only job, in which I answered with hesitation, yes. I knew where he was going with the reading. I dozed off and started thinking of how long it took me to build up momentum with the band. How I didn’t have time to do anything else, because I was not only performing with the band, but I was taking care of a lot of the business matters. I had put in sweat and tears, and pinched every penny to make my dream as a musician come true. I thought about how I would leave my daughters for months at a time to go on tour, so yes, this was my only job. He then proceeded to tell me that it looked like my career was ending. He must have seen the shock and fear in my face, because he tried to explore other options with me. He stated that it looked like I had a passion for writing, and maybe writing could be my next career move. I nodded a few times but zoned out for what I felt was a long time. I was not ready to explore any other options with him, because all I could think of was, “What the heck am I going to do?”

After my reading, I went back to the cabin where my band mates and I were being housed, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I felt this fear come over me, and immediately started making myself small. I wanted to be invisible to try to avoid what was coming. I went into denial, and told myself that the reading was not real, but I knew it was real.

Two months prior, I had booked a reading with an astrologer from Portland who was visiting Los Angeles. We sat down at a coffee shop where she pulled up my natal chart. She observed it and asked me a few questions regarding my career and interest. She, like the astrologer in North Carolina. said the words I did not want to hear, “Your job is ending.” She said that I was going through a lot of abuse in this band, and that it was not a safe space for me.  She was right, the environment within the band was not a healthy one. It was not a space where I was growing artistically. I felt lonely when I was on tour, because I did not have the emotional support of my band members, particularly from the men in the group. There was a gender gap within the group. The men always seemed to find a way to make me feel small, or point out the things I was doing wrong. They created a space where I was constantly walking on eggshells, and they made me believe that I was not doing enough. I started withdrawing myself, and compromised with them, because I didn’t know where else to go. I had conditioned myself to believe that I couldn’t make it out in the world without this band.

When the tour was ended, a band meeting was called, and in that meeting, there was a lot of criticism in what the women in the band could do better. We were not acknowledged for our contribution, and the guys in the band were just patting themselves on the back. It was at this meeting that I finally spoke up and gave them a piece of my mind. You could tell by the look on their faces that they were not happy to hear what I had to tell them. I was demanding respect, and told them that their actions were far from what they were preaching on stage. They considered themselves feminist, but that is not what they were when the curtains closed. They were abusive and disrespectful to the women in the group, and used their status to seduce women that they met on tour. In speaking out, I was reprimanded by not being allowed to perform with the band, and within two weeks the band voted me out.  My job had ended.

I was torn and went into a deep depression.  I was completely in darkness, and didn’t know what I was going to do. I would wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety. I cried more than once every day for months. Every time I would go on social media the band would pop up announcing where they were performing, or I would get tagged by a fan asking why I was not at the show. The people who I thought were my friends disappeared once I was no longer in the band, so feeling lost and alone, I disconnect myself from the world, and isolated myself.  There were too many pieces shattered, so every day was a struggle to pick myself up.  I couldn’t look at my instruments, so I put them away.

My first connection with the world was six months after my ending with the band.  I enrolled into a vocal class at Pasadena Community College. I was the bass player in the band, so I was really shy to sing in front of all my classmates. In my first performance in class, I made all the student turn their chairs around to face the wall. I didn’t want them looking at me sing, but I loved it. I loved it so much so that I enrolled for the second level of vocal class, and in that class, is where I performed the first song that I wrote on my own. My classmates and the professor loved it, and that was the beginning of regaining a bit of my confidence. Two months after my class ended, I reached out to the director of an organization called East Los Angeles Women Center to see how we could collaborate. The organization had booked my ex-band for a couple of shows, so we kept in touch throughout the years. The woman in charge offered me a position right away as an Educational Specialist. I always tell people that this job saved me, because it gave me space to grow and heal myself, while educating women on the cycle of violence. The director also gave me a platform where I got to perform on my own for the first time at a Gala, and then continued to hire me for other events, because she believed in me. This past year I taught myself how to play the guitar to perform the songs that I wrote throughout these past three years, I was even featured in a few open mics. People have reached out to hire me for a few events, and I am currently recording my own music. On this journey, I have found this immense love for myself. I wouldn’t have seen my potential as a solo artist if I was still part of the band. I am still putting the pieces together, but what I thought was a last call at music, was really a call to a new beginning.

Gloria Is Gone

They had been waiting since sunrise before hearing the news of their daughter’s outcome.  The plane she was in was shot down in Afghanistan, and there were no survivors.  They heard a knock at the door, and found two soldiers on the other side of the screen door.  They were there to deliver the bad news to Mary and John.  One of the soldiers said, “Your daughter’s remains were found.  We are sorry for your loss.” They stood their motionless almost feeling that life stood still.  The sound of Mary’s cry broke the silence as she fell to the floor.  She sobbed uncontrollably as John hovered over her body.  He wanted to shield her from the pain, but he too began to sob.  The officers remained on the other side of the screen with their heads bowed down, and arms folded in front of their bodies.  One of the officers was thinking to himself, “No matter how many times I do this, it doesn’t get easier.”  The other officer was thinking of his own daughter.  They were the same age, twenty years old.

“I can’t believe she is gone.  Our little girl is gone John.”  They stood by the door holding each other.  As they walked to the couch in the living room, they came across pictures of Gloria.  Mary grabbed one of the pictures she took when Gloria was in the fourth grade, and held it close to her chest.  She started to reminisce when Gloria decided she wanted to wear the yellow dress for the picture Mary was holding.  She told her mom that it made her feel like a beautiful flower.  She had two braids hanging down with yellow ribbons holding her braids together.  The picture became blurry as tears hit the frame.  John took care of calling the family members, including their older son, Steven.  He became angry as he heard the news, “Dad, I told her this was not the only way to become a journalist.  I told her not to go.” There was a moment of silence then, through sniffles, Steven told his dad he would be right over.  John took care of calling the rest of the family.  Mary walked over to her room to get ready.  They were expecting family to arrive within hours.  John found himself sitting alone in between calls, and memories started flooding his mind.  He remembered when she graduated from high school, she whispered in his ear, “Daddio you are my inspiration, and I know people say that parents can’t be their kid’s best friends, but you are my best friend.” After taking a deep breath, he said out loud, “You were the best in my life.”  He caught himself using the word “were” and felt a sharp pain in his throat traveling down to his chest.  He began to tremble as he buried his face in his hands.  Mary was in the shower longer than usual.  Her face remained under the shower nozzle with her eyes closed.  She couldn’t differentiate the drops rolling down her face, because her tears were coming down just as hard as the water that was releasing from the nozzle.  She remembered the first day her baby started school.  Gloria was being the brave one telling her mom, “It’s ok mom, you can go.  I’ll be fine.”  She remembered her walking bravely to her classroom.  Mary squatted on the tub hugging her legs and whispered, “I love you baby.”

Mary and John decided to have a private service only for friends and family.  They wanted to have something intimate to make sure they all grieved in peace.  The space was decorated with the most beautiful roses of every color.  Roses were Gloria’s favorite flowers. The guest were given the choice to bring their own arrangements to put around the casket.  Steven and John asked Mary if she wanted to be the first to speak.  They were all heartbroken, and wanted to make sure they were taking care of each other.  Mary, Steven and John walked over to the podium.  Mary stood in front of the microphone, and john and Steven stood on each side holding her hand.  Mary spoke softly as she thanked the guest for attending such sad but special event.  She continued by saying, “We are gathered here today because Gloria Hernandez has touched our lives, and has left an impression on us.  I know her passing has left a void in my heart, and I will miss her terribly.”  Her voice was shaky, and her hands were trembling.  She continued, “Gloria did not agree to this war after spending nine months in Afghanistan, but she fell in love with the people there, and felt that she had a responsibility to someday tell their stories.  We are proud of her bravery, and her commitment to finish the task that she started.”  Mary looked down for a while fighting the tears, then she looked up and said, “Darling, I miss you so much, and I want to take this opportunity to thank you for being my daughter.  You made me happy every single day.  I cannot wait until the day we see each other again.”  She wiped her tears that were now streaming down her face.  She continued, “I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.  I love you, Gloria.”


Loving Myself While Missing My Soul Mate

This morning I woke up not missing anyone in particular, but I missed the affection of another human.  I have been helping people around me heal, and have also been healing myself.  It has been exhausting at times, but I know that it has humbled me tremendously.  When I woke up I got this feeling of missing being in my soul mates arms, and all I wanted was to be held with my head buried on his chest.  I felt safe there and I didn’t want to let go.  Then I reminded myself that I could be that person holding me until he finds me.  I could bury me in myself by practicing self-care and self-love.  I am here for me to hold me when I need it, and talk encouraging words to keep moving forward.  This put me at ease, and I couldn’t help but smile.  I know that the more love I give to myself will lead me to that soul who will make me feel just as safe, and will protect me as much as I protect myself.  Our union will be a magical healing force.


Follow Your Dreams

If you ever find yourself asking, “Should I follow my dreams?”  Yes! Follow your dreams.  It is crucial that you do, because if you don’t, you are compromising your happiness.  You can choose to live your life by being content with your safe job, but you will be missing the point as to why you came into this world.  You will stop a very important part of your growth, and this will catch up to you one day.  Look within yourself, and listen to that little voice inside.  If you are asking this question, that means that your soul is speaking to you.  Build up the courage to follow your path.


Self-Love After A Break Up

My partner and I went through a break up this time last year (2016). As soon as it got cold the smell took me back to that heartbreak.  When I pass certain places especially a coffee shop that I would visit to get out of the house. I would start thinking of those days when I felt so lonely and depressed.  Everything seemed dead to me.  I was completely lost.  I feel like that break up prepared me for who I was to become in 2017.

In 2017 things are a bit different.  I feel like that break up pushed me to love myself more.  It made me stronger and I knew that no matter what I was going to be ok with or without him.  Before this break up I was clingy and I couldn’t see life without him.  I was scared to lose him so it made me very insecure.  Internal issues from childhood trauma.  This year has been about healing that part of myself.  It has been a rollercoaster, but I have noticed that I have transformed significantly.

(I found this in my drafts.  Even though it is old and incomplete I wanted to post it just to remind myself that all things have a purpose.  For me letting go is not ever easy.  I hold on longer than I have to, but in the end these are lessons used as opportunities to continue grow. This break up I speak of truly was my great push to loving myself).


I went on a journey to discover what it meant to be happy.  I was one who thought that happiness was attached to something or someone.  When I found myself without that something or someone, I also found myself alone and unhappy.  So just recently when I became single for the first time in six years, I decided that it was time to find out what made me happy.  I put together a schedule of things to do that I thought would lead to what I was looking for.  I went dancing, hiking, drinking, concerts, etc.  What I found was that those things did bring happiness, but that feeling was only momentarily.  I found myself very unsatisfied when I was alone, and I kept looking for more ways to fill my schedule, so I could chase the feeling of being happy.  I was stopped in my tracks by the great universe of course. One day I decided to go to the beach, and I picked out a book from my bookshelf.  I had tried to read this book before, but I would quickly put it down and pick up my phone.  Another habit I must break.   So anyway, I opened the first few pages, and bam the words hit my soul.  I was blown away.  The message was very simple.  It said that my happiness should not depend on things, career, or people.  I should just be happy simply because I was alive.  It said that living in the present moment would bring the peace and happiness I was seeking. If I continued to dwell on my past, or wish I was already in my future, it would rob me of the magic that was creating in the present.  This was the message that I needed.

Now when I feel unhappy I check in with myself without distractions. When I am in an uncomfortable state, it is usually me still acting on attachment, and my need for things or people to make me happy.  I made a promise to myself that I would never allow that to happen.  This new way of being has not been easy, but like many other cycles I have broken, I know this uncomfortable pain I feel is a sign of growth.  I am now brave enough to face them and change them.  I want to truly be happy with myself, and so I owe it to me to continue to heal.  I can actually feel me changing into this person I hold in my thoughts.  I am happy with myself surrounded by all that adds more to that happiness.











Fighting Thoughts

When we say we are going through an awakening, it doesn’t always mean that we have automatically cleared ourselves of bad thoughts. An awakening brings you awareness so you can become a better version of yourself. In the beginning of a transformation it can be very uncomfortable, because you see all the shit you still need to heal. You start realizing that there’s no one to blame for issues in your life, and that can be really hard, because it is easier to blame others for your misery. At least you can be mad at someone and not be forced to face your demons. I find myself frustrated when I feel I am taking several steps back in my spiritual journey, but in reality I’m taking several steps forward. Fighting bad thoughts is exhausting. Getting to that point is disappointing, but I know that is showing me where I still need to change. It is 4:28 in the morning. I am hoping when I wake up at 7:30am, I have cleared a lot of these negative thoughts. Goodnight/good morning

Healing Trauma

Right now, I am trying to heal the wounds that I came imprinted with when I entered this world.  Chiron is placed in my 8th house and it is transiting my 7th house.  My greatest pain has been with my relationships.  I have always had issues with my self-esteem and that has affected a great deal of my life.  I am able to council others and motivate them to believe in themselves, but it is hard when it comes to me.  Since Chiron is transiting my 7th house I am healing the traumas I went through in my childhood with trust and abandonment issues.  I have acted out too long in my romantic relationships that I am searching for ways in shedding those bad habits I picked up.  So much shedding has happened this year that is leading me to my true self.  I have to also overcome the fear of potentially being alone if my relationship with my current partner doesn’t work out, and remaining single for at least a bit.  I have been one to jump from relationship to relationship.  I think a six-month break would help me get in touch with myself, lol… I know more if necessary. Not pushing it. There’s less than two months in this year, and my birthday is in December.  Let’s see how much more growing there is this year.  I am just grateful that I am able to face my wounds, and have found the bravery to work on healing them. Tranformation has been painful, but shit I can’t give up o myself now.  I’ve come too far.

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