I went on a journey to discover what it meant to be happy. I was one who thought that happiness was attached to something or someone. When I found myself without that something or someone, I also found myself alone and unhappy. So just recently when I became single for the first time in six years, I decided that it was time to find out what made me happy. I put together a schedule of things to do that I thought would lead to what I was looking for. I went dancing, hiking, drinking, concerts, etc. What I found was that those things did bring happiness, but that feeling was only momentarily. I found myself very unsatisfied when I was alone, and I kept looking for more ways to fill my schedule, so I could chase the feeling of being happy. I was stopped in my tracks by the great universe of course. One day I decided to go to the beach, and I picked out a book from my bookshelf. I had tried to read this book before, but I would quickly put it down and pick up my phone. Another habit I must break. So anyway, I opened the first few pages, and bam the words hit my soul. I was blown away. The message was very simple. It said that my happiness should not depend on things, career, or people. I should just be happy simply because I was alive. It said that living in the present moment would bring the peace and happiness I was seeking. If I continued to dwell on my past, or wish I was already in my future, it would rob me of the magic that was creating in the present. This was the message that I needed.
Now when I feel unhappy I check in with myself without distractions. When I am in an uncomfortable state, it is usually me still acting on attachment, and my need for things or people to make me happy. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow that to happen. This new way of being has not been easy, but like many other cycles I have broken, I know this uncomfortable pain I feel is a sign of growth. I am now brave enough to face them and change them. I want to truly be happy with myself, and so I owe it to me to continue to heal. I can actually feel me changing into this person I hold in my thoughts. I am happy with myself surrounded by all that adds more to that happiness.