When we say we are going through an awakening, it doesn’t always mean that we have automatically cleared ourselves of bad thoughts. An awakening brings you awareness so you can become a better version of yourself. In the beginning of a transformation it can be very uncomfortable, because you see all the shit you still need to heal. You start realizing that there’s no one to blame for issues in your life, and that can be really hard, because it is easier to blame others for your misery. At least you can be mad at someone and not be forced to face your demons. I find myself frustrated when I feel I am taking several steps back in my spiritual journey, but in reality I’m taking several steps forward. Fighting bad thoughts is exhausting. Getting to that point is disappointing, but I know that is showing me where I still need to change. It is 4:28 in the morning. I am hoping when I wake up at 7:30am, I have cleared a lot of these negative thoughts. Goodnight/good morning
Right now, I am trying to heal the wounds that I came imprinted with when I entered this world. Chiron is placed in my 8th house and it is transiting my 7th house. My greatest pain has been with my relationships. I have always had issues with my self-esteem and that has affected a great deal of my life. I am able to council others and motivate them to believe in themselves, but it is hard when it comes to me. Since Chiron is transiting my 7th house I am healing the traumas I went through in my childhood with trust and abandonment issues. I have acted out too long in my romantic relationships that I am searching for ways in shedding those bad habits I picked up. So much shedding has happened this year that is leading me to my true self. I have to also overcome the fear of potentially being alone if my relationship with my current partner doesn’t work out, and remaining single for at least a bit. I have been one to jump from relationship to relationship. I think a six-month break would help me get in touch with myself, lol… I know more if necessary. Not pushing it. There’s less than two months in this year, and my birthday is in December. Let’s see how much more growing there is this year. I am just grateful that I am able to face my wounds, and have found the bravery to work on healing them. Tranformation has been painful, but shit I can’t give up o myself now. I’ve come too far.